Lungs and Kidneys, Globetrotters and Marathon Runners

Death and healing have always been present in my life, but lately several events have made it hard to understand the pattern in which they appear.  Does God orchestrate every death and every healing, or does He just let things happen?  Is it His will that only some be medically or miraculously healed, or is it a result of the fallen world in which we live?  Four situations in particular propel me forward as I search for answers.

A few years ago, God healed the lungs of an amazing girl named Akosua.  I don't know how else to describe what happened - she had tuberculosis to the point where her doctor said it was like she did not have lungs.  Then she met a pastor who asked if he could pray for her, and after he did she kept forgetting to take her TB medication but started to feel much better.  When she went to the doctor again, her lungs were completely healed - even the doctor could hardly believe it.  I met Akosua a few weeks ago while we did ministry together in the Transkei.  She is full of life and passion for God, and I am so happy that He healed her lungs so that she could continue to live for Him and bless others.  But the fact that God can and does heal miraculously has made it harder to deal with the times He chooses not to.

In 2011, my friend Lois Unger's kidneys were failing, among other health issues resulting from an emergency C-section for her daughter Melody Faith in May.  Melody was born at 23 weeks, as big as a king-sized bag of M&M's.  Miraculously, she made it and is alive, adorable and thriving, today.  Lois, however, passed away in October 2011, only a few weeks after she and her husband Kaleb finally took Melody home from the hospital.  God has provided for Kaleb and Melody, and I believe that He will continue to do so, but it is heartbreaking that both of them have to spend the rest of their time on earth without Lois.  I know that God could have healed Lois - why Akosua's lungs and not Lois' kidneys?  Was it really God's will that Lois die?  How could He will such a painful thing?  And yet if it wasn't His will, why did He let it happen?  I still struggle to answer these questions, especially in light of two more recent deaths.

My grandfather Jim Potter was quite the globetrotter.  He and my grandma Jo set foot on all seven continents in their travels, and I always loved hearing stories of the different places they'd visited.  I also loved to take walks with my grandpa and listen to his insights on history.  Sadly his health deteriorated over the past few years, and he passed away in April.  I love my grandpa and miss him a lot, but I can honestly say that I feel at peace with his death.  When I saw him in March, he mentioned more than once what a blessed life he and my grandma had.  He died at the ripe old age of 85, surrounded by his family and grateful for the life God had blessed him with.  It is sad to be separated from him for the time being, but the circumstances make it so much easier to let go.

Whether he was running a marathon or an evening of student ministry, Chad Rogers truly ran "in such a way as to get the prize" (1 Corinthians 9:24).  I was away at university by the time he moved back to Liberty, Missouri and got involved with my church's youth ministry, but he made a powerful impact on my younger brother and his peers.  Two weeks ago, Chad left his house for a run and did not come back.  The entire Liberty community mobilized, some going out in search parties, others offering childcare for those searching, several maintaining social media pages to keep everyone updated.  After several nerve-wracking days, Chad's body was found.  I don't know exactly how he died, but the fact remains that his family, including his wife Sarah and young son Matthew Job, will have to live the rest of their lives on earth without him.  Like Melody, Matthew will have to live the majority of his life without one of his parents.  How could God let this happen?  I prayed desperately that God would protect Chad when we didn't know his whereabouts, but Lois' death was always at the back of my mind - if God did not save Lois, how could I ask him to save Chad?

Shortly before Chad was found, I stood in the Indian Ocean and wrestled with God.  While I marveled at the way the water drops look like diamonds, I asked myself, "Why is God good?"  The answer I eventually reached was, "Because He loves unconditionally."  I still believe that God loves Lois and Kaleb and Melody and Chad and Sarah and Matthew and everyone else who has lost someone dear to them.  I still believe that God will provide for Lois' family and Chad's family, and that He will be sufficient for Melody and Matthew.  Yet I struggle with how such devastating deaths could be part of God's will, especially when He has the power to stop them.  My conversation with God went something like this:

"HOW could Lois' death be Your will, God?  How could You will so much pain?  But You could have healed Lois and You chose not to, so does that mean it was Your will?  Well if it was Your will, Your will sucks!"

"Matthew's middle name is Job.  You took everything away from Job!  Are you going to take Matthew's father away from him?"

Not a very respectful way to talk to the creator of the universe, and I am trying to humble myself more before Him.  But that is honestly how I felt, and sometimes how I still feel.  Rationalizations don't really help - "Oh, they're in a better place," "Maybe God was saving them from an even worse death," etc.  Nothing eliminates the pain of being separated from those who die, whether it is suddenly or peacefully.  Being in Africa has exposed me to so many stories of healing like Akosua's, and that makes it even harder for me to understand why God only postpones death sometimes.  But my dad (richardmpotter.wordpress.com) brought up a good point the other day - if God healed everyone who got sick or injured, would that increase our faith?  Would it cause us to be more dependent on Him?  I think it would cause us to feel entitled.

So maybe I'm closer to understanding why God sometimes chooses to postpone death, but I still don't understand how He chooses in each situation.  Maybe I never will.  Sometimes I still feel angry at God, but I also still believe that He will provide.  And, even in the pain, I have seen God's love shine through those who reach out to comfort and serve the families of Lois and Chad.  And that has to be good enough for now.